Inner Me

Born in sin
Shaped in iniquity
A product of the environment
Of lies and injustice
Who can we run to?
Who can be trusted?
You, me, anyone at all?
To deny oneself happiness due to fear
Fear of the unknown
Even worse,
Fear of the known
Wanting to hope and believe
With nothing to hang onto
What to do is the question
Stay?
Run?
Tell?
Hide?
Uncertainty looms
Hope abounds

come to mama - haiku

I long for his touch
The thought of him makes me beam
Come to mama, man!

untitled

the point of it all/makes me long for tru love and/its a great song too.

It's Poetry

I was once asked, if it was poetry if you talked like this?
Is it poetry cuz you talk like that?
I replied no, fool
It's poetry if it comes from within
You
Its poetry if it can be felt beyond
You
It's poetry if YOU
Feel it
It's poetry if you speak from your heart
It's poetry if it stimulates your soul
Despite anyone else's
See, people get lost in what others do
The thing is to figure out what works for you.

Please Dont Let Me Be Misunderstood

You see
It's not that I don't care for you
It's not that I don't want you around
It's quite the contrary
You see
I have no problem expressing myself
Affectionately or verbally
I have no problem curling up in the crook of your shoulder where it meets your chest
I have no problem with you laying in my bed for days
You see
I love the safety and security of your embrace
I love the smile I bring to your face
You bring the very same broad, full smile to mine
You make my heart flutter
All of that makes my mind cluttered
You see
Based upon my past
I have some unfinished matters of the heart
The walls I have built up are blocking my blessings
I'm aware of the problem
The solution eludes me
You see
When I look at you I don't see them
I see the possibility of hurt
Again
So in my effort to avoid said hurt
I decline invitations of committment
For I believe I am capable but question you
You see
Under any other circumstances
I would leap tall buildings in a single bound
I would climb the highest mountain
To be your one and only
But
Please don't let me be misunderstood
It's definitely me
Not you.

Or So We Thought

I think of you often when you could care less to think of me.
I gave you my inner me yet it seemed high in inadequacies
Or so you thought
You didn't have to 'ax' for nuffin like R.Kelly
It was all handed to you
Better than silver, platinum platter status
I was the one who wanted no titles
And you were down
Or so I thought
But actually I knew
I saw the lifestyles when we used trojabs
I saw the feminine gear that didn't resemble anything I would wear
But I didn't trip
Slip
Flip
Or dip
I stayed aboard that ship that had me dickwhipped
Left in a daze by that bomb ass head you gave
Or so YOU thought
Don't forget who was callin whose name, boo
You know yo ass was pussywhipped too
Beggin for that tongue trick I like to do
Titillating your tip as you tantalized my tits
And without disappointment
Or so I thought
Something or someone took you away from me
Unexplainably
Or rather you just refused to explain it to me
Which left me no choice but to detach
Or so I thought
Cuz I still think of you often when you could care less to think of me.

Remembering (Haiku)

Special days and nights
Make my heart beat rapidly
Recalling true love

Is It Possible To Miss Out On Your Soulmate?

We all experience different types of relationships but often we hear about "soulmates". What exactly is a soulmate?

Dictionary.com defines the term as:

a person with whom one has strong affinity.

Wikipedia.com defines the term as:

someone with whom one has a feeling of deep and natural affinity

In my effort to be consistent with definitions as I am not sure who will read this since it is a public blog, lol.

Affinity is defined as (in dictionary.com):

a natual liking for or attraction to a person, thing, idea, etc.

Anyhoo, back to my point, lol. Whenever we fall in love with someone we believe them to be our soulmate until the demise of the relationship. Can that possibly mean that person was not your soulmate? If so that would indicate that if you have met your soulmate and something caused the two of you to separate, you would have missed out on your one great, true love. No?

I'm beginning the question the belief of soulmates. I haven't had many "loves" of my life but I've had enough to know that I do not wish to experience the heartbreak that comes with realizing that the person I was giving my love to was not the "real thing". I often hear that I will know when it is real. When am I supposed to hear that voice talk to me? Is it after I get married to the person or after I let a good one get away?

There is always that person that seems to be your perfect jigsaw piece and you stick them in the "friend" category. The end up in that category because you fight your natural attraction for that person because you feel they may be unattainable. Then when it comes to the point that you are ready to see if this person really is who you are meant to be with, you find out they are seeing someone. Say, you go through this scenario with the same person a number of times, be it you addressing them or vice versa, the same situation arises. Is it simply a case of bad timing? How can your soulmate have bad timing? If it's meant to be, it will be, right? You hold on to that belief and you sit and wait. Nothing. Time passes and you are still in constant enough contact that when you don't speak you miss them. You now feel that you can't tell this person how you feel anymore for fear of "bad timing". What happens when you muster up the courage to inform your "friend" that there is a special spot reserved in your heart for them? They are amazed that you could feel such a way. You question yourself wondering why they didn't already know this. With the number of times affection was declared between the two of you, it should have been impossible not to know. There is an unsettled chemistry that is aching to be attended to. Do you give up and resolve this person can't be the one for you? If not you think that you would be together already. Or do you say forget that and go after what you want?

I know everything happens in it's own time but since tomorrow is never promised, can it be that some of us may never experience that pure, real love? I want to love and want to be loved in return. Can it happen if my supposed soulmate doesn't know he's supposed to be my soulmate? If they don't know it, could it be that aren't my soulmate?

That could be the situation too. What if the other person has yet to realize that you can be their soulmate? How long is too long to wait for the realization? Is it ever anyone's fault if a soulmate if missed out on? Can you place blame anywhere? I doubt it because HOW DO YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVE MET YOUR SOULMATE??????

If you never know you met them, can you miss out? If they don't know you are their soulmate, can you miss out?

In the words of Mos Def, "the questions, the questions. the answers, the answers."

The best I can do is "Let Go and Let God!!"

Is It Wrong To Do Something For Yourself When You're Constantly Pleasing (or trying to) Others All The Time?

I recently asked myself this question and I have determined that is not wrong to want to do anything that will bring you joy at any given point in one's life. We have so many demands placed upon us each and everyday that we can easily forget about "me". I feel that remembering "me" is imperative. We should never fear that doing something for ourself can be thought of as wrong.

I recently lost my job and while I'm in no way upset about it, I carried on as though I still did have a job. There was a week long celebration in my city of residence and I participated in a few events/parties, lol. One may think, "she just lost her job and she's out there partying and spending money like she has continuous checks coming". Guess what, I am a grown woman and if I felt like I could not afford to do the things I do, I would not. My biggest stress causer has just been lifted and I am celebrating. Yes, I'm pleased by my unemployed status. Honestly, I haven't even updated my resume to start looking for another job yet. This past week was about "doing me". It had been so long since I was able to do so and I LOVED EVERY SINGLE MINUTE OF IT!!! I would do it all again, if given the opportunity. I enjoyed great company and entertainment. When I lost my job, I felt empowered and willing to do whatever the hell I wanted to do.

Guess what, I'M GOING TO DO WHATEVER I WANT TO DO.

NEVER A REGRET IN MY LIFE!!!

From Beginning to No End

This poem was inspired by a friend that I had previously lost contact with as a child but re-entered my life as another "friend" exited. My thought is that the fake friend was removed to make way in my heart for my REAL friend. Anyway, here it is:

You are my friend
From beginning to no end
Through togetherness and separation
As though time was never lost
Experiencing life at the same time
With our differences and similarities
We never missed a beat
Getting in where we fit in each other's life
It was a simple feat
Mainly because God knew we were meant to be
Our different paths led us to the same point
Where we became part of one another again
Now we have a legacy to take over wherever we leave off
They will know a great friendship never dies
Yet, it thrives
On an undying bond of love
From 1989 until the year 2989 and beyond
I will always love you, my friend
From Beginning to No End

2008

In writing my poetry I get very lax with grammar, so pardon the lack of puncuations and such.

Stress Bucket

I'm sure everyone has those moments when either time will stand still or that they can just disappear so that no one can find them. Well, that is where I am. I want to pack up the one person who doesn't stress me out and just bounce

I hate to complain about the negativity going on in my life with the current condition of the country/world. However, I need an outlet.

I believe certain things I have experienced as of late has caused a slight insomnia, neck and shoulder pain, stomach pains and an eye twitch. This leads me to believe I need to do something different. How do you determine what needs to be done differently when there are a number of things causing it? Sure, it's easy to say "do it all differently" or "don't sweat it" but it's very difficult to practice it. If I were not a caring person or a person with morals and a heart, I'm sure it would be much easier.

Within the last 2 months I've confirmed that someone who swore up and down they were my friend really isn't/wasn't. My job has been threatened on I can't eve count anymore. I've been a victim, not feeling the word victim, I've been subjected to the experience of being stolen from, having one of my friends stolen from by that particular friend's "friend" yet I was held responsible for what went down. Stupid and unnecessary beef has come from somewhere it shouldn't have come from and that person too, does not accept their own responsibility for the role that they played. Where do you seek salvation for the stresses of the world when the people you dearest to your are participating in the stress?

Can I disappear yet please?

Responsibility Is The Name Of The Game

I wake up on Friday, Saturday and Sunday with a heaviness on my heart. I can't determine if it's the fact that I must wake up so early or because of the lazy sack of sh*t I must deal with. Don't get me wrong, I hate having to go into work just as anyone else who is not crazy about their jobs, but if you are going to show up, DO YOUR DAMN JOB! If I have to deal with policy changes effective immediately made during my days off or my job is in jeopardy, I would think you can handle tasks that have been your responsibility from the start. Ya think? Why am I supposed to know how to do my job and the jobs of other departments? If that were what the case should be, there is no need for specialized departments and I can get an increase in pay. That won't happen!

I wish I was financially stable enough to tell the VP to eff the hell off, even the President (of the company not of the US). This piece of crap called responsibility has me stuck in a temporary situation. Yes, I can look for a new job but with today's economy, there seems to be more job loss than job opportunity.

Hello, I say to the rock standing to my immediate right and how ya doing to the hard place to my immediate left.